about William
by soulgyrl53
Summary: A short story about what could have taken place when Maggie Scully learned that Dana had given William up for adoption. As you can imagine, a lot of hurt and heartache here. But it ends on a hopeful note...one of reconciliation. I didn't have anyone to beta read this for me...so I hope there are not too many mistakes. Any feed back...I'll take it. Complete.


Margaret Scully lay down on the comforter covering her daughter's bed. She stared at the starburst pattern on the wall made by the night lite, the soft white glow overtaking her vision. Maggie wished she could float...just dissolve right into that blinding whiteness and drift away. She had never felt so empty, so hollow….so devoid of any humanness, in all her life. Not when her parents died or when her brother, Charles, was killed in Vietnam. Not when Dana was missing and then fighting her cancer, (she had been so afraid of losing her then). Not even when Bill succumbed to a heart attack or Missy was murdered. But even all of _that_ , as horrible, as _unspeakable_ as all those things were…it was not like this. Maybe it was just that everything combined, all the chaos…all the….madness… had finally congregated into a wretched pool of agony that now threatened to drown her. The waves, trying their damnedest to splash over her and pull her down into nothingness… There were no more tears right now. How could there be? Earlier, she had sobbed until her chest was pounding with pain…until she was gasping in great mouthfuls of air. It was only after a double shot of whisky forced into her by Dana that she could finally gain some control of her senses and emotions and start to calm. She wasn't a drinker, just the occasional glass of wine or two at dinner, but she would have gladly downed that whole bottle in one gulp if she thought it would have taken away all the anguish.

Now, she lay unmoving on the bed for she knew not how long until sleep finally overtook her.

The lull was, however, short lived. Even in slumber, the demons had followed her. She woke a short while later, drenched in sweat, writhing in the bed, and to find that the tears had come again.

"Enough," she screamed into the room. She jumped out of the mangled bedding and headed hurriedly towards the bathroom. Here she splashed the coldest water she could on her face...the face that felt like it was on fire. Yes, even her tears felt like flames, flames that were burning down her cheeks. She knew she should be out there with Dana, should have been the one to be strong; strong for her only remaining daughter. But it hadn't really worked out that way. Maggie made her way into the living room….and stopped. Dana was not on the sofa. A quick and cruel fear clenched her gut sending panic rising out of it like so much bile up into her throat. She shook herself out of its grip.

 _No, Maggie, no. You can't do this. You can't fall apart again. She's got to be here somewhere._ And then she knew and she went into that one place she did not care to go. And her daughter _was_ there. Dana lay on the floor of the now barren nursery, surrounded by several stuffed animals. She had covered herself with the homemade blue and red quilt Bill's wife Tara had made for William, their only nephew. Toy soldiers marched across the quilt's width is if standing watch over the fragile and broken woman lying beneath it. And in her arms, Dana held tightly to a cloth doll with brown hair. Dana had said the doll was an old family keepsake and had been a present for her and baby William from his father; a father that was nowhere to be found at the moment.

* * *

Maggie left her daughter sleeping, made her way back to the living room, found the bottle of scotch, and poured herself a generous tumbler full. She sat on the couch with her feet tucked under her. Her mind was all over the place but as the scotch started to work its own brand of magic Maggie felt that she might actually be able to go back over the previous evenings events and scrutinize and categorize and sanitize the whole unfortunate mess.

The day had started out innocently enough. Maggie hadn't seen her daughter or her grandson for over two weeks and had only spoken to Dana once in the last ten days. She had tried calling her several times and had gotten only the answering machine. Many messages were left and had gone unanswered so Maggie made a decision: to show up unannounced. She knew that Dana had been struggling since Fox Mulder had disappeared. Maggie would have even said she was depressed although she knew her stubborn daughter would never admit to that. Maggie liked Fox from the start, but she wasn't always happy about some of the situations he'd dragged her daughter into. But then, Dana _was_ a big girl and perfectly capable of choosing her own path.

When Dana first announced her pregnancy to the Scully family she was reluctant to name the father. Maggie was fairly certain it was Mulder; she hadn't heard her daughter talk about any other man in some years. So, when Dana did confirm to her that Fox Mulder was indeed the baby's father….well, Maggie wasn't surprised. She had seen the way they looked at each other, the way they were with each other. Actually, Maggie had known, for some time that Dana was in love with Fox…even before Dana was willing to admit it to herself. Countless times she had witnessed her daughter's whole countenance light up whenever she relayed some funny anecdote about her and Mulder's crazy adventures. She had felt the same way about Bill Sr. once.

* * *

Maggie had shown up around 6pm at her daughter's door. Dana answered her knock and the minute Maggie saw her face she sensed something was terribly wrong. She suppressed this initial feeling and greeted her daughter.

"Surprise!" She held up bags full of the makings for dinner along with a gift for William. "I've tried calling you, but you never answer so… I've come anyway. I haven't' heard _anything_ from you in some time," she said as she swept passed her daughter into the living room and deposited the bags on the coffee table.

"Ah...yeah, mom. I…I know. I'm…I'm sorry...sorry." Dana finally answered. Her voice was barely a whisper as she stood there, still holding the door open.

A dull panic set in Maggie Scully. Something _was_ wrong…horribly wrong. She went to her daughter, closed the door, and led her over to the sofa, sitting them both down.

"What is it, Dana? What's wrong?"

And then she knew.

"William? William! Where's William! Oh my god, Dana where's the baby?"

Maggie's mind felt like exploding. "Did they take him _again_? Oh, god Dana, please god no! Dana, where is William!" She was yelling now. She had ahold of her daughter's arms and she knew she was squeezing her harder than she should have been.

Dana was struggling to keep her composure. "No…no mom. It's not like… that."

Maggie loosened the grip she had on her daughter. "Then he's here? Is he sleeping?"

Dana looked at her mother as the tears started winding their way down her cheeks. "No mom. He's not here. He's…he….he's gone."

Maggie stood and looked around. "What do you mean gone? Gone with whom? Fox? Is he with Mulder?"

Dana started openly crying now. "No. No, he's not with Fox. I wish…I... I'm not even sure where Fox is. Oh damn it! I wish he _were here_. _Damn it_ , Mulder. I need you… I need you _so bad_ right now."

Maggie gathered her daughter to her. "Well, I'm sorry sweetheart. I can't help you with that. I don't know where he is either. And I'm sorry, but I'm angry with him. He should be here for you. But no more about Fox. I'm here, but you have to tell me what is going on with William. Where is he right now? Who has William? When is he coming home?"

Dana shook herself free from her mother's embrace, got up, and started pacing around the room. "That's just it mom. He's not coming home…here. He's not coming back."

Maggie sat in stunned silence, staring at her daughter. When she finally found her voice again she asked, "What do you mean he's _not_ coming back? _Damn it_ Dana…what happened to my grandson! I thought you said everything was okay now...that everything was going to be alright."

Dana stopped pacing and turned to look at her mother. "I thought it would be. At least that's what I kept telling myself. Even though he's not…wasn't what…. I don't know, but…mom. I can't protect him. I….can't keep him safe. I know that. I realize that now. No matter where I go and no matter what I do, I can't keep my own child safe. I _had_ to give him up mom, I _had_ to. I had to give him to people who _can_ protect him. If he's with me they'll _never_ leave him alone…never leave _us_ alone. There will always be some threat, some menace. He's in a safe place now. They'll take good care of him. They'll…."

Dana started crying… huge, racking sobs that left what she was saying almost incomprehensible to her mother. "My…my son….my son. Oh god, my son! _Our_ son…. _Mulder's and mine!_ Now, now they're _both_ gone. I've lost both of them! Oh my god…I can't do this...I can't do this….I can't do this. Oh Mom, what am I going to do? My baby, my baby. I miss him so bad. I miss _both_ of them so _bad_."

At this, Dana collapsed to the floor. She drew her knees up to her chest and circled her arms around her legs. She started rocking and chanting, "He's gone! Oh...god…mom, he's gone…gone. William! _William_! Mulder…Oh, _god_ , Mulder where are you! MULDER!"

Maggie Scully felt the life drain right out of her. She had never seen her daughter break down so completely. Had never seen _any_ of her children fall into such despair. She knew she should go to her. Should go and take her in her arms and be a mother to her child. Her grown daughter who was mourning the loss of her own child. But…she couldn't. She was frozen…frozen in fear. Fear and anger and a thousand other emotions she couldn't even identify. And, she hated to admit it but she was _angry_ with Dana. _Angry_ that she had ever joined the FBI _, angry_ that she had ever taken that assignment with Fox Mulder, _angry_ that she had fallen in love with Fox Mulder.

 _Look at all the heartache that damn FBI job has caused our family. Dana's abduction, her illnesses, the god-only-knows-how-many times she stared death in the face…not to mention all the anguish she's been through over Fox. And….Melissa…my daughter…my Missy. Oh god I miss her so much! Gone….gone from me forever also because of that…damn job. Even that little girl Emily ….had died because of…this. And now William…our little William! He's just a baby for god's sake. He should be here with his mother…and his father. And just where are you anyway, Fox Mulder? Right now, I hate you; I hate you for leaving her here this way. I don't care what excuse you have for leaving. What? Did you run away and hide to save your own ass, leaving Dana here to face all of this alone! I swear to god if you were in front of me right now I think I'd strangle you with my own bare hands! No…no. I can't… be that way. Dear god, please help me. Dana loves him…she truly loves Fox. I can't think this way._

Maggie walked over to her daughter and helped her up off the floor. She led her to the couch, helped her lie down, and covered her with an afghan. Dana's sobs had now turned to a muffled whimpering. Maggie didn't know what else to do. She felt like she should be doing _something_ but her own pain was so enormous she felt powerless to do anything more.

She sat down in a nearby easy chair and tried to calm down and put her thoughts in order. She couldn't stand to see her daughter so broken. And to not know where William was...was torment. Her little grandson! She had made so many plans for their future. She had already bought a season pass to the National Zoo and had planned to take him there soon; now all that was gone. It was too much….just too much. And just like that, reality started melting away and she _screamed!_

Hearing her mother scream had sent Dana jolting upright. She made her way over to Maggie who was now sobbing hysterically and holding her chest. Every now and then she would gasp and gulp in great breaths of air. Maggie could not seem to calm down. Dana had gone to the kitchen and came back with the bottle of scotch and a coffee mug. She had splashed a large amount into the mug and forced Maggie to drink most of it. After she stopped crying and was breathing more easily, Dana had suggested she go lie down in her bed and rest. They could talk about his later when their emotions were not quite so raw.

* * *

Now, as Maggie sat in the living room, sipping her scotch, she felt that she was ready to take that first step towards healing. It wasn't going to be a pretty process, but she _had_ to be there for Dana. There would be many lonely, angst filled nights ahead for her daughter, Maggie knew and she would need someone stable and rational to rely on. If Fox ever comes back she would hope, naturally, that he would be the one, but for now, Maggie would make herself completely available for her daughter. She downed the rest of the scotch, picked up the afghan from the sofa, and made her way to the nursery. She lay down beside Dana, covered both of them with the afghan, and pulled her daughter in tight. Dana stirred slightly

"Mom?"

"Yes, sweetheart, it's me."

"I'm sorry, sorry about earlier…and for not telling you about William. I'm…"

"Shush now, Dana." Maggie interrupted. "We'll discuss this later when we've had more time to come to terms with it all. And I'm…I'm sorry too. We've both been through a lot. But I'm here now. Your mom's here and she'll do everything and anything she can to help you through this. We'll make it. I love you Dana."

"I love you too, mom."

The two women, mother and daughter, lay that way for some time before sleep overtook them again. And in their dreams, a little boy played, a boy full of laughter and hope…and a promise for a bright future.


End file.
